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Thursday, 5 January 2012

Paid Up & Raring To Go

Tonight I paid up my membership for the Michelle Bridges 12wbt round 1 of  2012.  I am excited about joining, I am excited about how positive people are on blogs, forums and on facebook, and I am excited because maybe, just maybe, this will really be a fantastic experience for me and have an impact on my life.  I guess I am also cautious, just in case I don't 'make it' (ie, in case I give up, say it's too hard and go back to life as per usual).  Most often, though, I am excited at the prospect of learning from someone like Michelle Bridges and to see what me and my body can achieve together. 

Why did I join?  Well, I'm fat you see.  There's really no way to sugar coat it (an unhelpful phrase in the circumstance, I realise).  It's unhealthy, it's unsightly and it stops me doing all the things I want to do.  You’d think I’d have done something about it before now – but I have been very adept at denial and procrastination for quite a long time. 

I have had several hints along the way that my weight may need tinkering with.  When my now almost 12 year old daughter was 2, she popped into the bathroom while I was in the shower and opened the door.  Nothing new there, I'm sure anyone with small children can relate to the complete disregard for privacy they have!  Anyway, she had a cursory glance up and down my not insubstantial person and announced in a very matter of fact way, ‘mummy, your tummy fall over’.  Now you’d think that might be a bit of a trigger – even the 2 year old has noticed that things are not quite right with your tum.  But no, I just made a mental note to lock the bathroom at all times if I was in it.  Problem solved.

Then there were the photos of me being fat.  That was easy to explain - everyone has photos where they're not looking their best, right?  A bad angle?  Unflattering clothing? That's the problem, not me! Still, I did begin to hide behind everyone else in photos, or else insist that I be the photographer.  Perhaps there was a problem....

My hubby tried to suggest that I might become unhealthy if I didn't lose weight.   Brave man - it's not an easy topic for a hubby to bring up.  I accused him of being shallow and not loving me unconditionally.  My sisters were not so diplomatic in their encouragement to do something about my weieght problem!  But sisters can get away with it.  So I had quite a few half hearted attempts to diet.  But I never really believed I would reach any of my goals.  And to be completely honest, I never really wanted to change the way I eat.  I'd get a bit rebellious almost - why should i? why do i have to watch what i eat?  nobody else in the whole entire world has to.  poor me.  So I would eat badly, and the self talk would become - see, i knew i couldn't do it.  poor me.  dumb me.  stupid me.  where's the chocolate?

So I'm cautious, yet willing to go all out in this program to learn how to change myself.  I believe I can do anything for 12 weeks and by that stage I will have a glimpse of what I can achieve.  So, wish me luck, join me or let me know your story.   This is my way of having a fair dinkum crack at the one life I've been given.

2 comments:

  1. I love the way you word things Janie...I'm a mum of 3, with 40kg to lose too...I saw your post on the newbie forum and as a new blogger too, I'm loving your blog. Enjoy the journey x

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  2. I found your blog because I am looking to start the 12wbt next round and looking for info on the net. Have only read this page but had to say that your excitement and fear is exactly how I'm feeling. Look forward to reading more and see how you've done.

    Wendy :-)

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