There are worse things than being fat....

Firstly, I better say categorically that the title of this post is in no way designed to imply that being fat is good and we shouldn't try to lose weight and get fit, if that is what is needed!!  This is what I am trying to do and will keep trying and trying to do.  For as long as it takes. And it will take time (but that's another blog post). 

Obviously it is important for ongoing health to be a healthy weight - and fitness is an absolute must.

But I find it is easy to beat myself up for being fat.  It is as if I categorise 'fat' as a personality trait, rather than an objective physical measurement.  So often I feel ashamed of being fat and at times, it affects how I feel about myself and how I relate to others.   

I still experience some self loathing when I fail to achieve the weight loss I have set for myself, as if my poor character is proved by this setback.  If I eat wrong, I tend to think I'm a bit of a failure and obviously, there's really no reason to keep going, you drongo.


However, one of the things I've learned since embarking on my weight loss endeavour has been to not give up.  I have managed to keep on going and not to fall completely into old habits or regain the weight I have lost.   But it is so easy to put pressure on ourselves to lose weight, be 'normal' and in my thinking anyway, it follows that somehow I will be a better person all round (please excuse that pun...).

But is being fat the worst thing that we can be as a person?  Would you rather be a fat work-in-progress than a complete and utter, utter bitch for example?? 

I am reminded of a beautiful quote from author JK Rowling:

I'll leave that with you, but it certainly helps me put my health pursuits into character perspective.  And with that, it takes some of my self imposed pressure off, which can only be a helpful thing - surely.

My Olympic delusion....

Each time an Olympic Games rolls around, I get quite excited.  I love to watch the different sports, I love to hear the stories of the athletes and I don't care if Australia wins 100 gold medals or none (well, maybe not none).  There are just so many things to get excited about.


But one of the things I get most excited about is indulging in my favourite Olympic pastime - delusions of personal Olympic glory.

I subscribe wholeheartedly to comedian and broadcaster Richard Stubbs' theory - which I like to call the Theory of Olympic Self Delusion - that there is really only several months of pretty intensive training between him and an Olympic berth.  I'm pretty sure the theory holds true for me too.  My main concern is to pick just one sport in which to excel. 

The ageing process has only heightened my delusion.  The older I get, the more convinced I am that it's nearly my turn for Olympic glory.  So it makes sense for me to look to older Olympic athletes for inspiration.

One of my favourites of London 2012 is the 37 year old gymnast Oksana Chusovitina who was competing in her sixth Olympics.  That's right, her sixth.  Six times she's represented her country in a sport traditionally dominated by pre-pubescent girls, some of whom may or may not have been hormonally enhanced to ensure they remained that way. 

Now I admit that Oksana didn't rise from the couch six months ago declaring boldly that she'd like to have a crack at artistic gymnastics and would her hubby mind holding the fort while she did a spot of training.  She's obviously been at it for years.  But the fact that she's there at all at her age gives me great comfort that if I did feel like becoming a gymnast, I could.  In fact,  I would probably be excellent at it and it is highly likely that I would even win a medal for Australia.

Australian rower Drew Ginn is also 37 years old and rowing in his 4th Olympics.  He's already got a couple of gold medals and won a silver this time.  In rowing.  In a boat.  With other people to help him row the boat.  I've used a rowing machine at the gym.  I'm sure it's not much different in a boat.  How hard can it really be?  You get to sit down the whole time and there's your teammates taking some of the load off.  All that puffing they go on with at the end of the race?  Must be some sort of gamesmanship. 

Then there is American swimmer, Dara Torres, who competed in  Beijing at the age of 42.  Now, I can swim.  I've been doing it for ever, so I'm pretty sure I'd be handy in the pool if I chose to step up for Olympic selection.

But I must admit that my age leaves 37 and even 42 behind.  I'm now looking to older and older Olympians to emulate.  Topping the list of my all time favourite older athletes is sprinter Merlene Ottey who competed in seven Olympics between 1980 and 2004.  She is now 52 years old, and this year was still sprinting competitively, anchoring the Slovenian 4x100M relay team in the European Athletics Championships.

I've also noticed that older Olympians seem to congregate in the following disciplines:
- shooting
- archery
- equestrian, and
- marathon.

The marathon, now there's an event for ageing athletes.  Endurance over raw strength and speed.  Could just be my finest chance for the glory I feel will inevitably be mine.  So I'm off to fire up the Couch to 5km app so I'll be ready for Rio.   If hope springs eternal, so too, it appears, does delusion.

The thief of joy.....

This is a just little friendly reminder - mainly for myself - do not compare yourself to others. 

Ever. 

In any situation.

During this weight loss journey I've very publicly embarked on, I have to admit that at times I have fallen into the diabolical comparison trap.....

As I wallow around the 10kg loss mark I know others who have, over the same time period, lost around 30kg.  Or I compare my up and down mindset to those who are consistently focussed and seem to be in control.   Or I look at the people in the gym and despair of ever being as fit, strong and able to wear nice gym gear as them.....

And how do I feel when I conduct these comparisons?  Is it an edifying experience for me? 

No.  I just wind up feeling inadequate, demoralised and diminished. It makes me feel like I haven't done enough, been good enough or persisted enough. 

It makes me feel like I am a bit of a failure.  It makes me think maybe losing weight just isn't for me, that maybe I'm just someone who can't do this.

In the Bible in Galatians (just googled it ) it says that we shouldn't compare ourselves to others  because we'll either be:

a. pretty pleased with ourselves and possibly become completely up ourselves; or

b. dismayed and disgruntled with our lot and our life. 

Instead, we should just do the best we can in our own unique circumstances.  Instead of comparing our achievements to others' - we should look at what is possible in our own life and our own journey, work hard and then enjoy our own achievements and victories.

Well, I'm really trying to take that no comparison mantra on board.  It's really liberating because it frees me from some of my own unealistic expectations, and allows me to celebrate my own little wins.... 

I hope you're keeping the thief of joy at bay, too - but in your own individual way ;)



 

Prizes....

A few weeks ago, I was lucky enough to be selected as one of the blogs of the round for the Michelle Bridges 12 week body transformation.  I was, frankly, completely chuffed with the honour.


But adding to my chuffededness - there was a lovely prize attached which arrived last week, on the door step, in a parcel addressed to me and me only.  Here's what was in it. (Thanks to Thing 1 for the lovely photos.)

A little tea infuser and a selection of beautiful organic teas from Tea Tonic in very pretty little tins...

There are some absolute ripper flavours like relaxation tea - which is green tea with lavender - a beautiful berry tea, a dark chocolate and black tea flavour and GLEW tea (which has ginger, lemongrass, echinacea and white tea).  Apparently, the GLEW tea keeps you from coming unstuck, and let's face it we can all use something that does that.

I have been trying to become a herbal tea drinker this round of the 12wbt - I thought it would be a much more mindful and, obviously, healthy alternative to my penchant for a rude Milo of an evening.  This beautiful prize was just what I needed to properly convert me.  There is something so lovely about drinking tea; the way you have to wait while it steeps, draws or brews (or whatever it is it does) and then the sipping of the delicate flavours.  So different to scoffing a Milo..... And the best bit?  No self loathing afterwards!!

But wait... there's more.  I also received a beautiful pack of Dermaviduals skin care products.

I'll be honest - with skin care, I often feel like I'm shutting the gate after the horse has bolted.  I feel like I'm in the mode where you try to stop things from deteriorating further!!  So I'll give any new moisturisers and face creams a red hot go and search dilligently for any signs of improvement to my skin.  The dermavidual products are lovely so far - let's see if they can work miracles.

So I want to say an enormous thank you to those who nominated me.  I really was moved by your support.

I want to say thank you to dermaviduals and Tea Tonic for supplying these lovely prizes. 

And, of course, I want to say a massive thank you to Michelle Bridges and her awesome crew who have dreamed up, and then made a reality, a program like the 12wbt.  When I started the 12wbt, I thought the program was all about weight loss!  Silly me!  It's about so much more than that...

It's about health, it's about overhauling how we think about ourselves and our potential to reach our goals.  It's about working every day to be the best possible version of ourselves.  It's about support from people you've never met, and meeting new friends with similar goals.

Writing this blog, actually having readers, being nominated and winning a prize....  these things have been a bonus that I never thought would be part of my 12wbt journey. 

Playing catch up.....

It's school holidays here in Victoria and I want to know who the bright spark is who decided to schedule them in the darkest, coldest and wettest time of the year.  Honestly!  Thing 1 and Thing 2 are delightful children generally and I love them both so much my heart swells thinking about it.  But day after day of rain and mud and children at a loose end can strain even the most resilient of mother/child relationships!

Perhaps I should have had more children so Thing 1 and Thing 2 might have had other Things to play - or bicker, fight and run amok - with.  Damn!  Why didn't I think of that earlier?

But the upshot of the holidays has been that I have not been near the laptop.  As a one laptop family, and with children who are 'sooo booooorrrrred', it's the path of least resistance to let them have first dibs on the computer to quiet their discontent.

So I would just like to catch you up on my 12wbt comings and goings over the past week or so.  Firstly, I have lost and put on weight again.  Still hovering around my start weight.  While my exercise has been fine and I have really enjoyed making the effort to do it, you can guess where I have fallen down.....

..... yep, nutrition, food, eating, making sensible choices, planning ahead and organisation.

I have had patches of brilliance with regard to eating cleanly and mindfully.  That has buoyed me.   But I need to be consistent.

The holidays have been a wonderful excuse which I have used to its fullest extent.  Home with the kids, cooking has been an warm, inside activity we can do together.  Away for a few days with family and friends, I used the fact that I didn't have complete control over the menu to pretty much go open slather.

Are you as bored by my lack of knuckling down as I am?  I hear myself each week posting about how I'm going to turn this around, how I am going to introduce little strategies to help me.  I've waxed lyrical about how I'm going to respond to the challenges this round is throwing my way.

But the truth is I have not been a woman of my word.  I have said I would do one thing, and then I have done another.  That is not the way to live life to the fullest. 

This blog is a way for me to write and rant and get my thoughts out of the swirling mass in my head; to try, by editing and rearranging, to make some order and sense of them.  And try as I might, there is no other way to spin what is going on with me.  I am just not doing it.

A very wise woman on the 30+kilos 12wbt Facebook group asked the question today in response to another 12wbt'er having struggles with food - "What is it that you are feeding?"

I will try and work out the answer to that very pertinent question and get back to you.

If any of you have contemplated a similar problem, I'd appreciate hearing how you worked through it.

An homage to my legs....



These are not my legs, but there are similarities.  Source: Pinterest

My legs and I have had a love hate relationship since, as an impressionable 13 year old, several events converged on me in a perfect storm of body issues:

a.  I started to read magazines like Dolly and Seventeen (so sophisticated) and I realised that my legs were not like the legs of the girls in those mags at all.

b.  Someone at school casually mentioned, as we sat sunning our legs one lunchtime, that my calves were huge.  Exact word used, I can remember the incident very clearly.

c. A family member, in a way that exuded pity, told me that I had inherited my legs from a line of the family notorious for having legs shaped like those normally found on a piano.

Never mind that I was very athletic and those legs had taken, or would take, me to state championships for gymnastics, netball and several track and field events.  Never mind that they got me from A to B every single time I asked them to.  Never mind that the rest of me was not a source of pity or wonder, but well within the realms of normal. 

Kim Green - Australian netballer and owner of a magnificently strong and athletic pair of legs
Source: smh.com.au

I really spent a lot of my teenage years (and beyond probably) hating my legs.  Really truly...  how negative and what a monumental waste of my time and energy. 

Now I am a 44 year old - doing the 12wbt to build my fitness and shift a lot of weight.  My legs are now a source of awe for me.  I am not even joking. 

At the start of the 12wbt, I could only do a wall sit for 18 seconds.  A few short months later, I can sit against a wall for minutes, pretty much willy nilly.  My legs have adapted to Spin classes, to doing squats while lifting extra weight (not just my body weight), to rowing and to all sorts of resistance on cross training machines. 

My legs are not going to win any prizes for being long, slender and shapely.  And I have come to the conclusion that I am never going to look good in skinny jeans, even when I am skinny.

Source: pinterest

 

The sad thing is that I've taken so long to be okay with that. 

So, legs, I love that you are both there and that you both work and coordinate so well together.  I hope we can move forward into a future where I look after you and you take me lots of exciting places. 

I'm glad I've reached this point of gratitude for my legs while they are still operating so well, and I can fully appreciate and enjoy that fact!

the highs and the hard yards.........

 

 

W.O.W.

 

This week I had such a fantastic surprise.  This blog - yep, this little ol' blog - was nominated and chosen as one of the 10 blogs of Round 2 for the 12wbt...  I am beyond chuffed.

 

Source

 

I am chuffed on so many levels! 

 

One - because of the lovely people that nominated One Life (and their beautiful words in doing so). 

 

Two - because I'm in company with some fantastic other blogs (for example, have you checked out 'Fit & Happy, Not Fat & Hippy'?)

 

And three -because for me blogging was one of my goals when I first started the 12wbt.  I had always wanted to blog, but didn't really have the guts to get cracking with it.  Well, the 12wbt made me examine all my goals (not just health and fitness goals) and so I started One Life as a tool for my own accountability and an outlet for what I love to do.  Having readers has been a bonus.  Having comments left has been a bonus.  Being nominated for this recognition is amazing. 

 

{Thank you Mish and crew.}

 

But after the highs, I'm afraid I have to report on the lows.  This week I put on 1.1kg.  That's right.  Put that amount of weight on in one week.  I'm always astonished at how fast I can stack it on. 

www.8track.com

I cannot begin to explain what is going on in my head.  But I know I have been focusing on the wrong things.  I have been focusing on weight, on numbers, on how I can get those numbers down.  And when I do this, it's like I go into some mode that is intent on countering any effort to reach those lower numbers.

So I had to stop and have an honest re-assessment of my goals.  And what I found, when I asked myself, was that I want to be lighter and weigh less but without really giving up the crazy eating.  

"Self." I said sternly, yet kindly. "Self, do you really want to stop eating Milo with a soup spoon*?"  "No." Came my eventual reply.

"Well, then, Self."  I continued.  "Is it any wonder that our weight has been going up and down on much the same spot for the past 7 weeks?"
Again my response, sotto voce, was, "no."

*Milo with a soup spoon is my code for all the poor eating I do whether it be Milo with said cutlery, or too much butter on toast, or picking at stuff while I'm cooking such that I basically eat a meal's worth prior to eating the actual meal....

So my revised goal for the rest of this round is to eat well, train hard and see what happens to my weight, to not try too hard and certainly not to focus on a particular amount of weight that needs to come off each week.  I am committed to really cleaning up my eating and to make the right choices.  How am I going to attain this goal?

• by stopping every time I feel like picking something.  I have decided to keep a little journal with me in the kitchen and write down every time I feel like eating something
• by being really HONEST with myself about what I am thinking and eating
• by concentrating on looking after myself and doing what is good for myself (rather than looking at the numbers on the scales and saying, oh i need to lose 1.8kg this week to keep up...)
• by celebrating small victories
• and by jfdi with training.